Nope, this is not a self-affirmation post. Please bear with the title. 😀
“Nobody told me life would be like this.” That’s something I’ve heard my father say a number of times, and I don’t think statements get truer than that.
Recently, I was trying to imagine what a friend of mine thinks of me (Don’t judge me, I tend to over-think things. I could just have asked, and saved the mental exertion for other things, right?). It was during this intellectual sojourn that I thought, “I wonder if he thinks I’m a passionate woman.”
Now here’s what caught me by surprise – that I referred to myself as a woman. I think it’s the first time I’ve consciously characterised myself as one. Not that I think I’m still a girl, or that I act like one, or that I want to be one. It’s just that it hit me that by all standards, definitions, measures, and interpretations I am irrevocably a woman. I realise how inane this may sound, but it really was a you-have-to-somehow-preserve-the-feeling-that-your-thoughts-just-elicited-possibly-in-a-blog-post moment for me. 🙂
When did I cross the imaginary line into womanhood? No one tells you “Now, you’re a woman/man.” You just know. And for me, I didn’t count my self as one through my late teens and even during the first couple of my twenties (I’m 23, if you’re wondering). But now I know. When exactly did it happen? I can’t put a finger on it. Your experience might have been different, you may have been seeing yourself as an adult since you were 16, or maybe you can identify a specific experience that marked the crossover into adulthood in your case. Not so for me.
Where does the time go? When did the sound of elementary, mundane, formerly exciting pursuits fade into the background and then finally become mute? When did the lights dim on the drama of secondary school, and when did uni days become 3-7 years ago? When did my baby cousin start uni and start wearing eyeliner? Now everyone is starting a company, or getting engaged (which is great, I’m just reminiscing).
When I was younger, I always looked forward to my twenties. I had fashioned it to be some sort of paradise of time. I would always think, “When I’m 20-this…” It took a while to sink in that I was finally here; and now that it has clicked, I’m spending most of the time wondering why it’s going so fast.
Nevertheless, I am here in womanhood, and I’m here to stay. 😉
Thank you for taking out time to read my ramblings on about my ever so subconscious consciousness (if that makes sense). Forgive my slight over-intellectualization. Please feel free to share your coming-of-age experiences in the comment box. 😉
I wish you safe journey on your own expedition to self-actualisation.