Chivalry is dead. At the very least, it’s dying. Okay, to my thinking, it’s definitely on the decline. Yes? Come on, it can’t just be me thinking this. No?
Recently, I’ve watched a group of men not so much as flinch when a woman almost tripped over a microphone stand in church. Only 1 of about 4 moved a muscle. As he jumped up, he reached for the microphone stand. Not the woman, he got up to rescue the microphone stand! Now, doesn’t that say it all?
On another occasion, I struggled back and forth with some very heavy coolers of food while a group of guys stood by and chatted away. And on the last trip, one of them had the effrontery to ask me for some food. Of course he received the dirtiest look ever given. And of course I gave him a piece of my mind and told him where to put his request. Of course, he immediately reached out to help me. And of course I told him to shove it, because obviously he was only helping for the food.
It’s just sad. Oh and side note: no longer is vanity the sin of women. Men have jumped on the vain and selfish bandwagon and even taken over sef.
To me, a man standing idly by while a woman is in need of help is just as bad as not giving up your seat for elderly or pregnant people on the bus/train/wherever, or watching your mum struggle with something. It’s just wrong. I’ve watched a guy wait for a girl to open the door. I find such scenes (at the risk of going a bit overboard here) disgusting.
This is degenerating into a rant, but I just can’t help it. It really, genuinely irks me. Maybe it’s an upbringing thing. How I grew up, the men got the job done. Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s not that the women sat down looking pretty and wringing their hands. No, the women got the job dome too. Never will you catch me waiting for someone to do what needs to be done (case-in-point: me and the coolers). But to me, the men should just naturally step up, or at the very least offer. Especially when it comes to physical things. This might also have to do with the fact that my stature is what you might call “slight”.
Here’s what I think. Women assuming more prominent roles in the world doesn’t give men a reason to jettison responsibility. I know there are feminist women out there who flat-out refuse to let men help them in any way; because they believe it propagates the view that women are weak. But the way I see it, that doesn’t stop you (men) from offering. There are more women presidents and CEOs on the way, this is no reason for men to be any less courteous, respectful, or helpful. I don’t think good manners will ever go out of fashion.
For humanity’s sake where are the men?
12 thoughts on “Can’t I earn equal pay and still let you open the door for me?”
I was tempted to say “maybe because this has been taken for granted by some ladies” but then I was quick to remember that I often tell friends that people’s bad manners and some bad experience(s) should not ruin your own good manners. Few Gentlemen we ‘ve got out there sis, so many ‘Gintlemen’ (whatever that means, Lol).
Good stuff once again.
Haha @ gintlemen. Thanks so much.. You’re right though. Bad experiences and such can ‘scar’ people. But what worries me is that some genuinely seem to have no clue at all. I’ve pledged to raise my children better 😃😃😃 😀 Thanks for the comment. Xoxo
It’s interesting to read this perspective. I think you’re right in saying it’s an upbringing thing – in both your (/my) case and those guys’ cases. I grew up never expecting a man to help me or, rather, to offer help in the first place. My circle was strong women, single mothers, inspiring teachers. Most men (though not generalising here) used to talk a lot, i.e. nothing but hot air. So now when a man opens the door for me, offers to bring me something or carry something for me, I’m surprised. Sometimes it even feels odd casually accepting that help when it’s more than just holding a door (which is sweet). So it seems you’ve grown up among some true gentlemen, which is lovely 🙂
I feel like genuine kindness & helpfulness in general seem to be declining in many circles. About that woman falling down and some guy rescuing the microphone stand, that’s just sad. Doesn’t matter whether it’s a woman or a man falling down, just watching and not caring is rude. Good to read your thoughts!:) xoxo
Thank God for all those strong women around you. Women have been ‘holding it down’ for ages (not that we’re perfect or anything). 😀
In a way, your lack of expectation from men (to help genrally), saves you from disappointment when they don’t. For me, I usually feel let down/disappointed, irritated, or sometimes I even pity the guy thinking ‘poor dude, he has no idea’ (depends on the situation). And it might be something I need to work on, ie, having really high expectations from people generally (men, women, myself). It’s usually very saddening when expectations aren’t met.
And in defense of that man, the lady didn’t actually fall, she tripped. Not to say, I wasn’t taken aback by his choice of who/what to help.
Thanks for reading and commenting! xoxo
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Yeah, so many don’t have an idea and I also agree with you and May on the fact its an upbringing thingy. Well, I didn’t grow up in an ‘environment of gentlemen’ where guys treat ladies like they should but then I learnt early.
However, I’m always careful about this things because, a lot of the female folks like @May don’t expect this from guys and when some see it, its misinterpreted for flirtation.
I had this experience back in Uni where I and a friend got to a door and I waited for her to go through the doorway first. Then she declined like she’s done on similar occasions. I had to ask her why and she tried laughing it off but I stood my ground. It was then she said guys just use that opportunity to look at a lady’s bum. I just lost throwaway because I’m like…
Well, regardless of what a lady thinks or expect, a gentleman should just do it (like NIKE) inasmuch as the motive is pure and sincere.
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HAHAHA! That made me lol. What? I’ve never heard that theory before. Very interesting @ the bum gazing. 😀 Totally agree with your last statement. And I guess it goes to all humans, male and female – be nice, be considerate! Thanks so much for sharing! Xoxo
I no be gentleman at all, I’m a africa man, original
Haha, funny. But… I’d like to think being a African man doesn’t erase courteous-ness (if there is such a word 😀 )
Definitely inspires me to be more courteous and a better gentleman. Time to flex those muscles and get them opening more doors and carrying more coolers. 😊
Haha @ flex muscles 😀 . We definitely need help with them coolers. Thanks so much for stopping by, reading and commenting Holmes! xoxo :-*
I was brought up around Strong Women who didn’t wait for men to do stuff for them, but like you said because of my ‘slight’ stature, some things i would just naturally reach out to a male to help me out (cos tbh their physical strength tops ours! A man standing idle even when another man needs help is disgusting as well. Generally, I think we all just need to be more accommodating and nice to each other and the world will be a better place! 🙂
You said it perfectly. Didn’t even think of that man not helping man angle. But you’re so right! Thanks for sharing your insights.